'Come and Get It!'

My parents made us kids sit down together at the dinner table every night, but not to talk about our day, it was so my Dad could watch the news in the background while everyone had their mouths full and were quiet! It was the only time of the day we were all together so it was a shame it wasn't put to better use.
Now that I am a parent, one of the rules in our house is that we eat at least 5 nights a week at the table and together to talk. My husband (who has been at work all day) asks our two year old what he did that day and with some prompting and leading questions from me, my son tells his Dad how his day was! We all have a giggle and eating is a fun, social time.

According to the National Centre on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, the benefits of eating together include:

- getting along with your family
- getting good grades
- eating more healthily
- avoiding alcohol, drugs and cigarettes

With rising obesity and anti-social behaviour fuelled by drugs and alcohol, surely just eating together won't solve all these problems? No, I'm not saying that, but surely meal times can provide a platform from which to open the lines of communication and keep a pulse on what your kids are up to these days?

Mark Altman, from Altman Leadership Center says, "Meals together gives us far more than biological nutrition. As children get older, they are often absent during meal times when they need more guidance and nurturing that meal time conversation and togetherness can provide."

We know how busy life is these days with many families having two working parents but here are some suggestions from Mark to help you along:

• Decide as parents that meal times are a priority, how many times a week you are going to have family meals together, and what nights those will be. The nights may change if someone has a sports season or school event that conflicts. But remember, you are the parent. If the kids can't drive yet, then they only go where you drive them. If they can drive and still live at home, some negotiation may be in order, but you have the final say.
• Be creative. If dinner simply isn't possible, say because of work or school schedules, then eat breakfast together instead, or a combination of the two.
• Keep meals simple. Try to precut, or even precook anything that can be so preparation time is minimized.
• Say some sort of blessing. Even if your family is not particularly religious, voicing gratitude for the meal and to your family members for sharing it with you is certainly appropriate.
• Turn off TV! Unplug or turn off ringers on phones and cell phones.
• Sit around a table, facing each other. No standing or TV trays. No one leaves until the meal is complete.
• Ask good, specific questions, "What was one good thing that happened to you today?" or "What was one thing you learned today?"
• Remember that whether it's scheduling family mealtimes, or the conversation during the mealtime, you will get better with practice.

If you have any solutions that work for your family, please share!

Fear - is it holding you back?

To achieve your dreams, goals, hopes and aspirations you need to set boundaries first. Sometimes when we talk about setting boundaries, my clients raise objections. They feel if they were to follow their own dreams they would be selfish. If they fulfilled their dreams it would be weak because they have everyone else to look after. But it’s not selfish or weak. You must make your life an expression of who you truly are. If you follow your purpose you will be a better friend, a better partner, a better business person, a better artist - because you will be fulfilled and happy.

However, when you start setting boundaries you may be met with resistance from others. When you start to say ‘No’ the person you are saying no to may be taken aback at first, but stick to your guns because they will begin to respect you for respecting yourself. For example, a client of mine had a boss who tended to give her ‘one more’ non-urgent job to do at Friday 5pm. She didn’t feel she could say no for fear of being passed over for promotion or losing her job, but she began to feel resentful and put upon. She was beginning to consider quitting her job because she was feeling undervalued! What drastic action! We worked together on this in a session and we came up with some back-up lines for her to say to her boss – “I’d love to but I'm going out for dinner with my husband tonight/taking the kids to the cinema/my eldest is having a sleepover, would first thing Monday morning be OK?” She was comfortable with this for a few weeks and then when her confidence built up, she confronted her boss and tackled the underlying issue – his poor time management! They came to an agreement and she feels much more respected by him. She emailed me yesterday to say she was being put forward (by her boss) for promotion! My client's fear could have easily cost her a job she enjoys but by tackling the problem head on, and putting in some time boundaries she is now looking to be promoted. Much better than scouting the papers for jobs!

So, what happens if you don't know what it is that you want to do? Well, there are several books on the subject - this one comes recommended. But to start your thinking imagine there’s no limitations, no boundaries, what would you want to do? What hobbies do you enjoy? What skills do you have? What are you passionate about? Whether it is study/career/voluntary work – even if it doesn’t have a title, what would you do? Do you look at someone and think, ‘I would love to do what you do’. And when you think of that person and their position in life, are you excited to think that could be you? Is what you are doing today fitting in with that dream? How could you take a first step towards your ultimate goal? What could you do immediately that would give you some of those exciting feelings right now? Could it be courses? Could it be voluntary work? The Frank Team in Australia have this awesome magazine packed full of ideas about how to find your passions and switch yourself on.

Take the leap - do the things you want to do. And when you feel like something is holding you back, stop a minute and ask yourself, What is it that is making you feel trapped? Who is making you feel trapped? Why aren’t you flying?

What are you going to do and when are you going to do it?

Stepping Stones

Well, I've just spent 25 minutes on the bike with my boy on the back, as a stepping stone towards my 1.5 hour cycle ride goal. My legs are aching but not sore from the day before last so that's a positive sign. I wonder how they will fare tomorrow?

Stepping stones are just as important as your overall goal. Without stepping stones, most goals aren't achievable. When we put stepping stones into place we can change direction along the way, meet different people, learn more lessons, and each time we achieve a stepping stone we can relish in the success. Stepping stones helps to encourage and motivate us toward the bigger goal when we are feeling like we are losing sight/grit.

Without breaking my goal of the 1.5 hour cycle ride down into smaller, more achievable chunks, I would become frustrated, demotivated and disappointed very quickly. The same goes for any large goal. Whatever it is you want to achieve this year (I would love to know what goals you have), you CAN do it.

Nothing is impossible. I'm possible!

Keep dreaming big and don't forget to put yourself first sometimes too. You're important and everyone around you should know and respect that. If you have people in your life that don't, well, you can't change them, you can only change yourself, but that's a whole other post! ;)

Enjoy your New Year Mums!