As a parent I've always come from the viewpoint of 'start as you mean to go on'. When my 4 year old was younger we used Star Charts to get him into good habits. For example, the last Star Chart he had was used to encourage him to contribute to chores around the home. He now makes his own bed, puts his dirty clothes in the laundry and puts his dirty dishes in the sink after meals. It's just accepted that these are part of his role in our family.
It may seem like simple stuff, but it all leads to teaching him personal responsibility and life skills. As he gets older, we will add to his chore list and give him more serious chores, which is part of extending him as a person.
The same theory works for other boundaries, such as personal freedom. Because he is only 4, my son hasn't gone anywhere on his own (like walked to a friend's house for example). However, his cousins live a door away and I have begun to let him walk up to their house on his own (with me watching until he arrives safely). There are no roads for him to cross and I can see him the whole way, so I feel reassured too. This personal freedom boundary will also extend as he gets older. The key is to start tough and relax gradually.
And of course there there must be consequences to inappropriate actions. When my son misbehaves there is always a consequence. Even if he apologises for his action, I thank him for apologising but there is still a consequence for the original behaviour. It's all about consistency.
Today, I came across this TV3 News piece about the ABCs of Parenting (ABC standing for Atmosphere, Boundaries & Communication).
You can watch the video featuring Darren from Parents Inc here.
I would love to hear from you about your thoughts on the matter.
© 2009 90 Degree Coaching Ltd.
Kirstie Gillon-Wood is Director of 90 Degree Coaching Ltd., a company devoted to supporting women wanting to create independence, and achieve personal and professional success. You can learn more about Kirstie’s products and services at http://www.90degreecoaching.co.nz.
Mums, I know you are striving for MORE in your life, but you're not able to put your finger on exactly what it is you are looking for. Or maybe you know what you want, but don't know how to get there. Or you know how to get there but lack the belief in yourself. Together we will get you there. Here (on this blog) and now is a good place to start. I hope in reading this, you feel validated, understood, supported and encouraged. I'm sure you are a fabulous Mum.
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