How To Bond With Your Mother - As An Adult

Women feel their mother as such a powerful presence in their lives that it can be difficult for them to see her as an ordinary person with failings, motives and ambitions. We're bombarded with messages that the bond with our mum should be special and close, but that makes it even harder when the reality doesn't match up to the ideal. Finding out how your mum was raised can help you understand how she raised you.

We also need to take into account the era in which our mothers were raised. If I have done my homework, most of you will have been brought up by mums who are now in their fifties and sixties (maybe older). This generation were raised with strong social expectations of how they should act as a mother and not let their children see the 'real' them. But as mothers and daughters age and become more aware of their own and each other's mortality, the desire to break through established roles and reach a deeper understanding becomes stronger.

Whatever the difficulties in your relationship, it's important to remember that you are an adult now. It's all too easy to revert back to 'type' - 'type' being childlike. But we daughters ought to remember that sometimes mothers want a break too. Consistently strive to be the adult when you are with your mother, setting your boundaries and negotiating all go a long way to building a peer-like relationship.

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Kirstie Gillon-Wood is Director of 90 Degree Coaching Ltd., a company devoted to supporting women wanting to create independence, and achieve personal and professional success. You can learn more about Kirstie’s products and services at http://www.90degreecoaching.co.nz.